Stop Building Systems for Your Ideal Self
Build Systems That Support Who You’re Becoming
Every January, the internet fills with declarations about “becoming your best self” and “reinventing your life.” Vision boards, strict routines, reset seasons, upgraded identities.
And while reflection and growth are good things… there’s a subtle trap inside a lot of that messaging.
Most people don’t actually design systems for the life they’re living right now.
They design systems for the version of themselves they wish they already were.
The ultra-disciplined version.
The rested version.
The always-motivated, never-overwhelmed version.
And then when those systems collapse?
They assume it’s a discipline problem… instead of a design problem.
But in my experience — both personally and with clients — most people don’t fail because they “lack willpower.”
They struggle because they’re trying to live inside systems that were never built for the current version of their life in the first place.
The Ideal Self Isn’t the Problem. Skipping the Growth Process Is
Let’s be clear:
I am not anti-growth.
I am not anti-aspiration.
And I definitely don’t believe you should stop evolving.
I actually believe the opposite.
You do have to start showing up as your becoming-self before you fully become her.
But there’s a difference between:
👉 practicing traits of your future self in sustainable, realistic steps
and
👉 forcing yourself to instantly perform as a fantasy version of you
The first one builds confidence.
The second one builds shame.
You don’t become your ideal self by leaping into her routines overnight.
You become her by building systems that bridge the gap between:
who you are today
who you’re growing into
and who you eventually want to become
Not by pretending the middle part doesn’t exist.
Present Self → Becoming Self → Ideal Self
I like to think about growth in three stages.
None of them are wrong.
None of them are better than the others.
They just serve different purposes.
Present Self
This is the version of you who exists right now, with:
your current capacity
your current mental load
your current responsibilities
your current energy rhythms
your current season of life
Supportive systems begin here — not beyond it.
Because when your systems ignore your reality, you don’t become more disciplined…
You just become more frustrated.
Becoming Self
This is where identity starts to shift.
Not through giant transformations — but through small, repeatable choices like:
choosing structure instead of chaos more often
adding margin instead of stacking schedules
protecting energy instead of burning it
increasing consistency in small increments
This stage is not glamorous.
It’s not aesthetic.
It rarely looks like a dramatic lifestyle change.
But this is where real change actually happens.
Your systems should make it easier to practice becoming this person
—not punish you for not being her yet.
Ideal Self
This isn’t a fantasy character.
It’s simply a future expression of you — the one that emerges slowly through:
alignment
self-trust
sustainable habits
supportive structure
You don’t become her by force.
You grow into her because your systems made the journey possible.
The Problem With Systems Built Only for Your Ideal Self
Here’s how most people unintentionally set themselves up to struggle:
They design routines that only work when:
energy is high
schedule is clear
motivation is strong
nothing unexpected happens
Which means…
Those routines work beautifully for about two days.
Then real life shows up — and the system collapses.
And instead of saying:
“This system didn’t match my reality,”
we tell ourselves:
“I should have tried harder.”
That’s not self-discipline.
That’s self-blame disguised as ambition.
The On-Ramp Approach to Becoming Your Ideal Self
If the goal is to become someone with stronger habits or more intentional structure, your systems should make that change feel gradual, supportive, and realistic —
—not shocking to your nervous system.
Let’s use the classic example.
Example 1 — Becoming a Morning Person
The “ideal self” approach sounds like: Starting Monday, I’m waking up at 5:00am.
No warm-up. No transition. No adjustment. Just sheer force.
Maybe it works… once or twice. Then exhaustion hits. Life interrupts. You miss a day. And suddenly it feels like failure.
But if the real goal is:
➡️ to build quiet morning time
➡️ to create space for yourself
➡️ to strengthen that identity
Then the system should support the process — not rush it.
A becoming-self approach looks more like:
move your alarm 15 minutes earlier each week
adjust bedtime gradually
notice how mornings actually feel in this season
allow days that require recovery
And until waking earlier becomes doable?
You don’t abandon the habit entirely.
You ask: Where can I realistically protect this time right now, even if it isn’t happening at 5am yet?
Maybe that means:
after work
during nap time
after the kids go to bed
during a lunch break
Is it perfect?
No.
Is it sustainable?
Much more likely.
And doing the thing imperfectly while you grow capacityis better than not doing it while you wait to become someone else.
Example 2 — Building a Creative or Focus Habit
Instead of: “I’m going to write for 90 minutes every day.”
Try:
15 minutes
three times a week
at a time of day your brain is actually functional
Once your identity strengthens around:
“I am someone who follows through on this…”
Then you stretch it.
Identity → then duration.
Foundation → then expansion.
That’s how habits anchor long-term.
How to Tell If a System Supports Growth, or Punishes You
A system that supports growth usually:
feels challenging but doable
still functions when life isn’t perfect
builds confidence through repetition
strengthens self-trust
A system that punishes you often:
collapses with one disruption
requires huge motivation to maintain
creates guilt when you can’t sustain it
makes you feel like you’re the problem
The difference isn’t discipline.
It’s alignment.
You Don’t Have to Shrink Your Vision, Just Change the Support System
You don’t need a “new you.”
You need systems that:
honor the version of you who exists right now
support the version of you who is becoming
gently move you toward the version of you you’re growing into
Not through pressure.
Not through rigidity.
Not through shame.
Through alignment.
Capacity-awareness.
And sustainable, reality-based structure.
Your ideal self is still the destination.
You just don’t have to skip the part where you become her.
If you’re realizing the systems you’ve been trying to live inside don’t actually match your season of life… this is the work I love helping people with.
Whether through my Life Audit tools or fully-custom Notion systems, my goal isn’t to make you more “disciplined.”
It’s to help you design supportive structure around your real life…
so you can grow into the next version of yourself without burning out in the process.
